Can someone look at the third chapter of my book for me. Please!!!?

You're a very good writter, and the story is pretty interesting. The dialouge is a little weak, though. Just for me personally, "Hey Debbie, can you get me an asprin?" doesn't have a nice flow. Also, "The only thing more precious to her was a necklace that she never took off her neck. A golden locket with two pictures inside of it." is too much. You can condense that to "The only thing more precious to her was a golden locket with two pictures inside." or something like that. Remember that in writing, less is more. In terms of plot, I kind of feel (i know this sounds heartless) that the story of the poor little orphan is kind of cliched, but that's just me. I like that the girl lives in a hospital because that's an interesting point of veiw. You've got the basis of a good story on your hands, but remember, edit, cut cut cut and edit!